Rating: NC17, slash, Jack/Daniel, humour

Spoilers/Warnings: None. Warnings for bad language and sex.

Summary: Necessity is the mother of invention

Notes | Disclaimer

Daniel was awakened by slow degrees. He drowsed for some time and let himself drift in that pleasant state between slumber and true awareness. He snuggled deeper into the bed, his body relaxed and pliant, the sheets warm and soft to the touch. There was no sound except the rasp of breath and the faint squeak of a mattress spring.

But there were other sensations as well, teasing at Daniel's consciousness. Vague and unformed at first, they began to coalesce as Daniel moved closer to awareness. He could feel a soft touch that moved and danced along his back and a wetness that both heated and chilled his skin and made him tremble in response. And above all, a gentle heat that crawled along his nerves, awakening other parts of Daniel's body.

Oh yes, he knew exactly what this was.

"Jack," he said, the sound muffled and slurred by sleep. He refused to open his eyes, knowing that if he did he would see nothing but shadowed forms backlit against the gray, diffuse light of early dawn. "Go 'way. Tryin' to sleep."

"And good morning to you too, Daniel." Daniel could almost feel Jack's smile against his bare skin as the other man continued to trail light, teasing kisses along his spine, as he moved inexorably downward.

"Jack," Daniel groused again, but the admonishment had no weight. Although Daniel was an inveterate night owl who had always loathed mornings with a passion, he had come to develop a healthy appreciation for early morning sex since he and Jack had become lovers. There was something deliciously wanton about beginning the morning with a bout of languorous sex and while Daniel might later regret the lack of sleep, he was more than compensated by the warm glow of satiation that lingered for hours afterwards.

Of course, it didn't really matter what Daniel himself wanted, since it was invariably his dick that had final say in such matters and right now that particular organ was growing quite enthusiastic about what Jack's lips seemed to be proposing. He sighed again, this time in contentment, as Jack's capable hands joined the fray. They stroked down Daniel's back and along Daniel's thighs with a touch that was firm and sure yet oddly gentle as Jack continued to dot his skin with moist kisses.

Jack continued to work his way down Daniel's spine until he reached Daniel's ass. Daniel shivered with the sudden chill, as Jack pulled back the sleep warmed sheet to expose his lower body to the cool morning air, but then Jack was there, his touch sparking along Daniel's nerves, spreading heat in his wake. Jack placed a kiss on each buttock, a gesture that made Daniel smile in spite of himself, and then with great care, he shifted Daniel's legs apart.

Daniel shivered again, this time in anticipation. Jack's hands cupped his ass, massaging the muscles with a strong grip, the blunt ends of his fingernails digging into Daniel's skin just the way Jack knew Daniel liked. Daniel buried his face in the pillow to muffle the groan he could no longer contain. Jack chuckled, obviously pleased with the effect he was having on Daniel, as if there had ever been a doubt. Daniel felt the mattress shift as Jack's body moved farther down the bed to settle his weight between Daniel's splayed legs. His hands returned to Daniel's ass, and this time Jack let his thumbs slip into the crack. Jack moved his thumbs down and then parted Daniel's cheeks, exposing his entrance. He held Daniel like that for a long moment before he leaned in and swiped his tongue against the puckered skin and then blew gently across the wet patch.

Daniel's hips bucked of their own accord, but Jack, well acquainted with Daniel's responses, held him in place. As soon as Daniel had settled down, Jack returned to his ministrations, laving the entrance to Daniel's body with his tongue, its tip teasing at the edge of the muscle until Daniel was moaning once more.

Jack's thumbs moved farther in to gently pry the muscle open to allow his tongue entrance. Daniel twisted his hands in the bed sheets to try to hold his body still as Jack expertly fucked his with his clever tongue until Daniel was little more than a flushed, quivering bundle of nerve endings.

"Jack," gasped.

Jack paused, to Daniel's mingled relief and frustration. "Did you want something, Daniel?" he asked affably. Daniel knew if he looked he would see a smug smile plastered on the other man's face. He'd make Jack pay for that later, but right now he had more pressing concerns.

"Will you quit playing and fuck me already?"

"Are you sure, Daniel? I was just starting to get warmed up here."

 "Jack!" he ground out between gritted teeth.

"Alright, already," Jack said with a chuckle. "Pushy, aren't you?"

Daniel didn't deign to answer. They both already knew the answer. Daniel felt the bed dip again as Jack stretched across him to snag the lube they kept in the nightstand. Daniel heard the rattle of the drawer opening, followed immediately by a string of curses.

"What?"

"No lube," Jack explained with another muttered curse. Daniel frowned and then he remembered they had used the last of the lube during an enthusiastic pre-mission fuck three days earlier. Upon their return, they'd come straight back to Jack's house, ordered Chinese and then collapsed with exhaustion. They hadn't had a chance to get to the pharmacy to replenish their supplies.

"Shit," Jack swore. Daniel couldn't agree more but he was damned if he was going to be thwarted now, not when Jack hadn't gotten to the point of almost frantic arousal.

"Kitchen."

"What?"

"Go to the kitchen," Daniel explained. "Cooking oil. We can use it as lube."

"Cooking oil," Jack repeated. "Right."

The bed shifted again and then Jack was gone, his footsteps echoing loudly along the hallway and down the stairs.

Daniel sighed and then stretched luxuriously. He gasped as the cotton sheets brushed against his dick before he burrowed deeper into the bedding letting arousal and anticipation wash over him. His body felt heavy and hot and as he waited for Jack, he let his mind drift as pleasant memories of other early morning dalliances floated before his mind's eye.

Daniel's reminiscences were interrupted by the sound of Jack's footfalls racing up the stairs. He smiled, pleased to note that he wasn't the only one suffering here. He remained where he was sprawled temptingly-or so he hoped-on the bed and waited patiently, expecting to hear the sound of creaking springs that signaled Jack's return to their bed.

The sound he heard, however, was something totally different.

Pfffffffttt...

What the...?

Daniel's head shot up at the unexpected sound and his eyes widened at the sight of Jack standing beside the bed, stark naked and holding a can of Pam non-stick cooking spray in his hand. Daniel was about to ask what the hell Jack was doing with a can of non-stick cooking spray in the first place until his eyes drifted down to groin level and the got an up close and personal glimpse of Jack's erection-his shiny, glistening erection.

"Jack...?"

"Daniel?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

Jack shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Yeah...well, you know how Fraiser has been riding me about my cholesterol levels lately?"

"Ye-es."

"Well...she told me I needed to lower my fat intake and so she suggested I should...well...stop cooking with oil and start using this stuff."

"Non-stick cooking spray."

"Yeah."

"So, when I sent you to the kitchen to get cooking oil..."

"This was all I had."

Daniel couldn't help it; he burst out laughing.

"You sprayed your dick with Pam!"

Jack stood there, his arms crossed against his chest, looking affronted.

"Well, you're the one who said we should use cooking oil as lube," Jack shot back defensively.

"But Pam!" Daniel managed between gasping laughs.

"It's slippery!"

"It's Pam!"

"I seem to recall someone was really anxious to get fucked."

"But Pam!"

Daniel was flushed and gasping for breath as he snickered madly. Every time he tried to get his mirth under control again he saw Jack standing there with his Pam coated dick and he started laughing again.

"All right, that's it, laughing boy. Prepare to be boarded."

"What...Jack!" was all Daniel managed to get out before Jack tackled him. The mattress screeched alarmingly under the sudden force and for one moment, Daniel thought the bed was about to collapse beneath them. They tussled for several moments, but Jack had the obvious advantage both due to his superior tactical skill and the fact that Daniel couldn't stop laughing like a loon. Jack had Daniel pinned face down on the mattress in short order. Daniel struggled beneath him but it was largely token resistance.

"So, Daniel," Jack purred in Daniel's ear, "I believe we have some unfinished business."

"Don't know what you're talking about, Jack."

"I seem recall someone was begging me to fuck him just a couple of minutes ago," Jack said in that same sultry voice."

"It must be some other archeologist."

"Nope, I don't think so," he said tugging playfully on Daniel's earlobe. "I never forget a face," Jack said, nipping at the sensitive behind Daniel's ear, making him shudder with excitement. "Or an ass." To underscore his point, he grabbed Daniel's ass and squeezed.

"Jack!" Daniel gasped, half outraged, half aroused.

"I also seem to recall that someone sent me to the kitchen in search of cooking oil." Another nip, another shudder in response.

"Cooking oil! Not Pam!"

"It's oily and it's used for cooking. Close enough.. In fact, I'm thinking your ass is in need of some serious low fat action as well."

Daniel's eyes widened as Jack's meaning became clear. "Don't you dare!"

Jack didn't respond; instead, he insinuated one knee between Daniel's legs and prised them farther apart.

"Jack! I mean it!"

Jack shifted his weight to hold Daniel's body still as he leaned lower.

"Jack!"

Pfffffffttt...

"Jesus fucking Christ! That's cold!" Daniel howled as Jack liberally coated Daniel's ass with the non-stick cooking spray.

"There ya go, Daniel. You're now low fat."

"Eeew! Jack!"

"Hey just think how proud Fraiser will be that we're watching our cholesterol."

Daniel wriggled. His ass felt strange and slippery. Jack stretched his body on top of Daniel's and held Daniel's hands above his head in a firm grip. Aligned back to front, Jack began to undulate slowly, his body sliding easily against Daniel's beneath him.

"Mmm...slippery," Jack purred in his ear, almost as if he was reading Daniel's thoughts.

Jack continued to move, rocking gently against Daniel, his cock fitting neatly into the crack in Daniel's ass. Jack nuzzled against Daniel's nape, placing kisses and small bites along his jaw, neck and shoulder. Unconsciously, Daniel began to move in counterpoint to Jack's movements until they established a satisfying rhythm.

Jack hooked one leg around Daniel's and rolled them both on to their sides, keeping their in perfect alignment the entire time. Jack reached around and grasped Daniel's erection making Daniel shudder and moan at the touch, his other hand sliding up Daniel's torso, holding him close.

Their early playfulness was replaced by need as they began to move in a faster, more desperate rhythm as they raced towards orgasm. Daniel felt the tension building in his balls and heat scorching through his body as orgasm crashed through him. He gasped Jack's name and collapsed in a boneless heap, as Jack continued to thrust against him until he came as well.

They lay there together in a tangle of sweaty, slippery limbs for a long time. One of Jack's hands absently stroked up an down Daniel's belly and chest, the lazy rhythm lulling him to the point of sleep until Jack leaned forward and kissed his shoulder.

"We should probably get up."

"Yeah." Daniel yawned hugely, loath to move and break the mood and he suspected that Jack felt the same. Finally, and with much reluctance, they got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom and a much needed shower. Daniel craned his neck, trying, without much success, to see whether or not his ass was still coated with the non-stick cooking spray.

Jack chuckled. "It's a good look for you Daniel. Besides, you know what they say."

Daniel shot Jack a wry expression, but decided to rise to the bait. "What's that?"

"Once you've had low-fat, you'll never go back."

Laughing in spite of himself, Daniel shook his head. "You're a strange man, Jack O'Neill."

"Rightbackatacha, Daniel. Rightbackatacha."

"And Jack?"

"Yeah Daniel?"

"Next time, let's just use shampoo, OK?"