Summary: Sometimes revenge is a dish best served hot.
Category: Farce, smut, humour
Pairing: Horatio/Archie/Edrington
Rating: NC17
Spoilers/Warnings: None.
Notes
Disclaimer

Archie descended the stairs at what he knew was an undignified pace and for a moment a fond memory rose up of his much younger self racing pell-mell downstairs in the morning only to be brought up short by the sound his mother's voice calling his name. There was no mistaking the reprimand in the tone of her voice when she called out "Archibald!" - a name she reserved for formal occasions and well earned chastisements - but the reproof was always softened by a fleeting smile and kiss to the forehead after she won his promise to behave like a young gentleman and not an addlebrained stable boy. It was a promise he never managed to keep for very long and she never seemed surprised in the slightest when he broke it again soon after.

How odd that he should think of that now, Archie thought as he continued his descent, but perhaps not. Stanwick Hall reminded him a little of Kennedy Manor, though Edrington's estate was considerably grander than the house where he'd grown up. A little nostalgia was not entirely out of keeping, he supposed.

At the foot of the stairs he encountered a footman who helpfully directed him the breakfast room where the earl and Horatio were already taking their meal. Archie had overslept, though that had not been his intention. He had slipped from Horatio's room perhaps an hour of two before dawn with no small regret. For all that Horatio might accuse him of indiscretion, Archie understood all too well the need for caution. It had pained him deeply to leave the comfort of Horatio's bed and the exquisite warmth of Horatio's body. Horatio had shifted and sighed but had not awakened, even when Archie pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before stealing into the hallway and then into his room. Archie had then lain awake in his bed for what had seemed hours. The mattress was wonderfully soft, but the bed seemed too large and too chilled and he could never seem to settle down properly. It would seem that his lighthearted jest about missing elbows and snoring was far closer to truth than Archie had realized.

Archie had finally dropped off shortly before dawn. He awoke with a start and a glance at the clock confirmed that he'd been abed far too long. He washed and dressed quickly then hastened to find his companions.

The breakfast room was far more modest than the dining room where they had supped the previous night. Sunlight streamed through the windows lending the room a cheerful air. The earl and Horatio were already seated at the table engaged in conversation and they looked up as one at the sound of Archie's footsteps.

"Mr. Kennedy, good of you to join us," Edrington greeted with a warm smile. He was dressed in riding clothes once again, though his gloves and riding crop were absent.

"Good morning, My Lord, Horatio."

"Breakfast is an informal affair here. Please, help yourself to whatever you like," he said, gesturing to the chafing dishes resting atop the sideboard. Archie nodded then headed to the sideboard and peeked experimentally inside a few of them. The aromas were enticing and he was quite amazed that he could be hungry so soon after the sumptuous feast of the previous evening. After a moment's consideration, Archie selected eggs, mushrooms and a portion of trout before he seated himself to the earl's left, directly across from Horatio. Although Horatio's mouth was hidden behind his cup, Archie could see the smile in his eyes. He smiled and nodded in return.

Horatio, he noted absently, was dressed in uniform, though he had not donned his jacket, a nod to the informality of the setting. It suddenly occurred to Archie that in all the years that he had known him, he had never once seen Horatio dressed in anything but his uniform; he did not even know if Horatio so much as owned any other clothing. Certainly, he would have long outgrown anything that he'd owned before he entered the service. Archie could provide little assistance in that matter, however. Although he did own some clothing suitable for land, such as the trousers, shirt and waistcoat he was currently wearing, nothing Archie owned would possibly fit Horatio who was a good deal taller and less broad than himself. Perhaps a discreet word with the earl…

"Would you prefer tea or coffee, Mr. Kennedy?" Edrington asked, interrupting his reverie.

He smiled at his host. "Coffee, if it's no trouble."

"Not at all," he assured. To Archie's surprise, he poured for Archie himself then refilled his own cup as well.

Archie took a sip enjoying the sharp, bitter taste and the warmth that seemed to revive him even more and gave an appreciative sigh.

Edrington took a sip from his cup before he returned it to its saucer without a sound. "I trust you slept well?"

Archie gave him a wry smile. "Aye, My Lord, though apparently too well. I had not intended to stay abed all morning." Archie explained as he speared himself a forkful of trout. It was delicious, as expected.

"Well, no doubt you were in need of more sleep than anticipated," Edrington suggested. "Between the journey and the rigors of your life at sea I would think you have much need to catch up on lost slumber."

"True enough, but I hope to do more than sleep away my time at Stanwick Hall." Archie cast his gaze across the table where Horatio watched the exchange silently. "And what of you, Horatio? Did you sleep well last night?"

Horatio flashed him a brief smile. "Moderately well, yes, though I awoke sometime before dawn and had difficulty returning to sleep. I suppose I have grown unaccustomed to sleeping alone, without the sounds of others nearby. The sound of snoring is curiously restful it would seem."

There was no mistaking the intensity of Horatio's gaze and Archie had to take a quick sip of coffee to keep from choking on a bit of trout that lodged in his suddenly dry throat. Horatio raised one eyebrow in mild amusement before he lowered his head and concentrated on his meal. Archie felt his lips twitch as a smile threatened to surface. Horatio rarely indulged in such verbal flirtation and never in the presence of a third party. Archie found it quite piquant. This visit was becoming more and more promising.

"Quite so, quite so, Mr. Hornblower." Edrington dabbed delicately at his mouth with his linen then swept his gaze from one to another. "I am afraid that I must abandon you both once again. I've been away for some time and I need to visit some of the outlying farms and see how things stand. Unless, of course, you gentlemen would care for a spot of riding?"

Archie perked up at once. "I would be happy to join you, My Lord. It has been some time since I've had the opportunity to ride and I'd welcome it wholeheartedly."

Edrington smiled graciously. "Excellent Mr. Kennedy. Mr. Hornblower?"

Archie glanced at Horatio, not at all surprised by the pained expression on his face. He resisted the urge to laugh; Horatio had been quite put out with him the previous night and Archie had no intention of ruffling his feathers now that peace had been restored between them. He offered Horatio am encouraging smile.

"No, thank you, My Lord, but I believe I shall decline the invitation."

"Of course, I quite understand. Perhaps tomorrow there will be time for a riding lesson. That is, if you haven't changed your mind, Mr. Hornblower?"

There was a distinct hint of challenge in the earl's cool, patrician voice and Archie quickly hid his smile behind his coffee cup. Horatio could not resist a challenge of any kind. Indeed, the surest way to motivate him was to throw the gauntlet at his feet; he would never fail to pick it up. Archie wondered if the earl had recognized that about Horatio or if it was simply his nature to goad friend and foe alike. Whatever the case, Edrington's strategy had the desired effect. Horatio straightened in his chair and squared his shoulders ever so slightly.

"I look forward to it, My Lord."

"Excellent." Edrington rose and smiled down at them. "Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I will inform the groom to saddle two horses. Mr. Hornblower," he said with a nod to Horatio, "my home is yours. Feel free to amuse yourself in any way that you see fit and do not hesitate to ask the servants for anything that you might need. They will be happy to assist you."

"Thank you, My Lord."

Edrington turned his gaze in Archie's direction. "Mr. Kennedy, we shall leave whenever you are ready." With that, the earl turned and strode from the room, the sunlight gilding his back as he left.

Now that they were alone, Archie leaned back in his seat and studied his companion. Horatio seemed more at ease this morning, no doubt the consequence of excellent food and a peaceful night's sleep, unbroken by watch duty. Of course, Archie flattered himself to think that perhaps Horatio's air of satisfaction might be due at least in some small part to himself though he would never give voice to such a notion. His vanity would never survive the drubbing if Horatio disabused him of the sentiment. So instead, Archie simply relaxed into his chair, sipped at his coffee and enjoyed the general mood of quiet contentment until his curiosity got the better of him.

"So, Horatio, what do you plan to do with yourself, today?"

Horatio shrugged lightly. "I may go for a walk, or perhaps I will avail myself of His Lordship's library. I'm sure I'll be able to find something to keep myself entertained in your absence."

"You don't mind that I'm abandoning you, do you?"

"You're hardly abandoning me, Archie. Besides, would you prefer to abandon the earl? He did invite us here after all. It would not do to be ungracious guests."

"No…of course not," Archie replied slowly. He cast a quick glance to the open doorway then leaned towards Horatio. He rested his forearms on the table and pitched his voice low and seductive. "I'm sorry you had difficulty sleeping in the small hours, Horatio. I had the very same problem myself. It would seem that the snoring is the key."

A smile flickered across Horatio's face before he too leaned forward to echo Archie's pose. "So it would seem."

"Perhaps, we should test that theorem again tonight?"

Horatio's expression became thoughtful. "Perhaps, though much will depend upon the circumstances."

"I suppose so, but then again, in the navy one must be willing to seize any opportunity that presents itself. Only by being bold can hope to obtain the prize, wouldn't you agree?"

"True, but it is possible to be too bold, sir. And too precipitous."

"I'm willing to take the risk. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say. And I have no doubt that the prize will be well worth the effort."

A slow smile crept over Horatio's face. "We shall see. But for the time being, I do believe that you have a more pressing engagement."

Archie staunchly refused to contemplate the pressing engagements he'd like to explore there on the table with Horatio's person. Instead he stood and bowed to Horatio. "Thank you for the timely reminder. Until later, Mr. Hornblower."

"Until later, Mr. Kennedy." Archie accepted Horatio's gracious nod then left the room to find his other companion.

Archie had no difficulty finding the stables. As he entered the dim interior, he was met by the distinct aromas of horseflesh and dung and the soft nickering sounds of the animals. They were pleasantly familiar, recalling long past summer afternoons spent on horseback. He smiled in recollection.

Edrington stood near one of the empty stalls. He held the reins of a chestnut in one hand while the other stroked the glossy neck. The horse bent its head and butted playfully against the earl's chin, eliciting a fond smile. The smile broadened as Edrington looked at him. "Well, Mr. Kennedy, impeccable timing seems to be a particular gift among you navy men. Smith has just finished saddling Leda for you."

Edrington nodded towards the groom who was leading a grey mare from her stall. Archie approached slowly, not wanting to startle her. She studied Archie with a placid eye and did not seem perturbed in the slightest when he patted her neck. Her mane was unexpectedly soft beneath his hand.

"She's lovely," Archie said a bit breathlessly as he admired the sleek flanks and the proud carriage of her head.

"I had…hoped you would approve. She's quick and smooth and as docile as a lamb, not at all like this great brute," Edrington said as he patted his own mount affectionately. The horse stamped and butted its head against Edrington's face again, almost as if amused by his remark. "So, shall we put them through their paces, Mr. Kennedy?"

"Aye, My Lord. With pleasure." Archie put his foot in the stirrup and swung himself up into the saddle before taking the reins from the groom with a murmur of thanks. Edrington was already astride his chestnut. It danced back and forth, clearly impatient to be off so Edrington accommodated it. Archie followed suit.

It was an ideal day for riding. The sky was a crystalline blue and the sun pleasantly warm on their faces. They set off at a canter, but it was clear that the horses were of a mind to run, so after a time they shifted to an easy gallop. Leda was a fine mount indeed. Her gait was smooth and flowing and she responded beautifully to the press of his knees against her sides or the faintest tug on her reins. It had been a long time since he'd been astride a horse and he was relieved that it was all coming back to him, though he suspected that his legs would be protesting the unfamiliar strain come morning. Still, it was wonderful to feel the horse's muscles bunching and stretching beneath his thighs and to feel the wind against his face. It was a sensation very much like standing in the crosstrees of the Indy under a full press of sail even as it was nothing like it at all. That was one of the reasons he wanted Horatio to learn to ride, so that he could understand that heady sensation that Archie could not even begin to explain with paltry words.

As they neared the first farm, they slowed to a trot then stopped entirely in front of a small cottage as neat and finely maintained as could be. Archie slid from the saddle and petted Leda's neck. Despite her exertions, she had barely broken a sweat and her breathing as even as if she'd spent the half on an hour grazing in the shade.

"You ride well, Mr. Kennedy," Edrington observed after he had dismounted. He walked over to Archie's side, his own mount's reins held lightly in his hands. "Does Leda meet with your approval?"

"Very much so, My Lord. She is a sweet-goer, certain sure."

Edrington smiled at the compliment then turned as a man appeared from behind the house. He handed Archie his reins then walked towards the man who bowed deeply at the earl's approach. They spoke but briefly and though Archie could not overhear the words and indeed, he had no wish to become embroiled in what were the earl's personal affairs, he could see the look of gratification on the man's face and of satisfaction on the earl's own when he returned to Archie's side. They mounted and continued on their journey.

They stopped at a handful of other farms along the way, though the earl did not dismount but carried on brief, but apparently satisfactory interviews with his tenets from the saddle. By the time they had visited the fifth farm, the sun was high overhead and the weather had grown a bit warmer, but not uncomfortably so. They had settled into a canter once again so that they might converse as they traveled. The conversation was casual, mostly about the weather, the region and its history.

"This parcel of land we are traversing was not part of the original estate," Edrington commented as they continued along their path "It was ceded to third Earl of Edrington following a property dispute with Baron Sunderland, who was a neighboring landowner. The particulars are rather vague but it apparently had something to do grazing rights or some such," he said with a casual wave of his hand.

"It's lovely here," Archie said and indeed it was. The ground was rich and fertile and the air was redolent with the scent of living things. It was familiar and yet seemed strangely distant and exotic now. He'd become too accustomed to the smell of brine that tinged everything at sea.

"Your family has property?" Edrington asked, his expression one of mild curiosity.

"Aye, near Cumnock. In Ayrshire," he clarified, "though nothing quite as extensive."

"Cattle?"

"No, mostly farming and some sheep, of course."

"Of course," Edrington drawled, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Do you return home often?"

Archie shook his head again. "No, I've not been back since I joined the navy. Shore leave tends to be brief and it is too great a distance to travel."

"Do you miss it?"

Archie blinked, surprised by the personal nature of the question. He looked over at the earl through narrowed eyes. Edrington's expression was as unreadable as always, but something flickered in his eyes then vanished before Archie could put a name to it.

"I do not mean to pry, Mr. Kennedy. I was merely curious, speaking as one military man to another."

Archie frowned as he considered the remark, but took no offense. "No, that is quite all right. As to your question, I confess it has been so many years since I've been home to Scotland it seems almost to belong to another lifetime. Fortunately, my family is in London more often than not. My sisters are both married and living there with their husbands and my parents spend much of their time there as well."

"And your brother…or is it brothers?"

The earl gave Archie a small, knowing smile. Archie had never spoken to the earl of his family, apart from mentioning that his father was Viscount Ainsley, but Edrington for all his snobbish airs, was shrewd.

"Brothers," Archie replied with a faint smile of his own. "I see far less of them. My eldest brother, Reginald, spends much of his time in Scotland managing the family holdings. He takes his status as our father's heir quite seriously. My other brother, Robert, is in the army. Our paths seldom cross."

"Ah."

"And what of you, My Lord? Do you see your family often?"

"Often enough," Edrington replied blandly. "Unlike you, I have the boon of proximity, and rank, so I am able to return home with some regularity. Of course, mama has been hounding me for some time to retire my commission and take up my proper place as a peer of the realm. She considers my attachment to the service to be somewhat…frivolous," he added with an ironic smile

Archie was startled by the candor of the earl's confession. He hesitated, but decided to plunge head on, emboldened by Edrington's honesty.

"I confess, My Lord, I do not entirely disagree with her concerns. Ours is a most dangerous occupation, all the more so in wartime. If you were to die…" Archie left the thought unfinished. "Well, some might consider it irresponsible."

Edrington gazed at him coolly, one elegant brow raised in what might have been amusement. Archie felt his cheeks color. "I apologize if I have offended you, My Lord."

Edrington smiled. "Not at all, Mr. Kennedy. The argument you presented is quite familiar. It is ultimately a question of responsibility, is it not?"

Archie nodded.

"Well then, I put it to you: would you consider it to be more responsible of me to retire my commission during wartime when His Majesty is in need of loyal officers to protect and defend England from her enemies?"

"Well, no," Archie replied, his voice hesitant. "But while there are other officers, there is only one Earl of Edrington. If you were to fall in battle, what of your obligations to your family and your tenets?"

"I have an excellent bailiff who oversees the estate in my absence and my mother is most capable as well. I could not imagine the Chelton holdings in more capable hands," Edrington explained in an almost offhand manner. "And if the worst were to happen, well, my brother Cecil would inherit. If nothing else it would give him something to do besides idling his time away at his club in London."

Archie frowned and gazed at the road ahead. That had not been the answer he had expected. When he looked over at the earl again, the other man was watching him, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"But that is not the real reason I remain in the army."

"Oh?"

Edrington's expression suddenly became intense and Archie barely resisted the urge to squirm beneath the probing gaze.

"Let me ask you a question if I may, Mr. Kennedy. If something were to happen and you were to find yourself Viscount Ainsley, would you leave the service?"

That question took Archie by surprise. It was not something that he had ever thought about given the unlikelihood of the occurrence. His father was still in his prime and there were two older brothers ahead of him in the line of succession. Moreover, Reginald had recently married and although there was no issue as yet, it was only a matter of time before Reginald's wife presented him with a son who would have precedence over Archie. That prospect didn't bother Archie in the least. He'd always known that he would never inherit and truthfully had no desire to do so. Despite some difficult times in the past, Archie was genuinely content with his life as it was. His career was once more on track, he served upon a fine ship with a captain he admired and shipmates he respected and who respected him in return. Best of all, he had Horatio in his life, by his side and, whenever humanly possible, in his bed. Archie would not have traded that for all the fabled wealth of the East. And he suddenly realized that he had the answer to Edrington's question.

Archie looked the earl directly in the eye. "No, My Lord, I would not. The service is my life and I cannot imagine any other."

Edrington nodded. "You understand then."

"Yes, I believe I do."

"The day will come soon enough when I will have to surrender to my familial obligations, but until then, I am quite content to remain in His Majesty's service."

Archie nodded then turned to let his gaze drift across the verdant fields before them. It was indeed lovely here, but in that moment, Archie yearned for open sea, for the sway and flow of the tide and the distant horizon reaching towards eternity.

They rode on in silence for some time. They passed an apple orchard that Archie recognized as the one that he and Horatio had passed in the carriage the previous day. He raised his hand to shade his eyes; sure enough, he could see Stanwick Hall over the next rise.

"We've finished the rounds for today," Edrington explained. "Time to return home. But perhaps a last bit of exercise would no go amiss." Edrington flashed him a smile, his chin tilted in challenge. "Would you care to see what our mounts are capable of?"

Archie could feel the answering grin stretch across his face. "Very much so." And with a sudden press of their heels, they were off. It was exhilarating; the sound of the horses' hooves pounding the dirt, the sensation of the wind clawing at his clothing and swallowing the sound of their laughter. Archie bent low over Leda's neck and let her run, her hooves throwing up clods of earth as she went.

By the time they reached their destination, Archie was out of breath, a fine sheen of sweat covering his face. He slowed Leda to a walk then dismounted. She gazed at him calmly as he handed the reins to the stable boy who had come to greet them. Archie patted her neck fondly one last time before the boy led her back to the stable, her tail swinging jauntily as she walked.

"She is a beautiful stepper," Archie observed to the earl who had come to stand beside him after the groom had led his own mount back inside the stable.

"You can ride her any time you wish, Mr. Kennedy, though I might borrow her back for Mr. Hornblower's riding lessons. Her temperament is well suited to a novice rider, wouldn't you agree?"

Archie nodded at the assessment. She was a patient creature and poor Horatio would need all the patience he could get. At the earl's gesture, Archie followed him back to the house. They were met at the entrance by the ever-efficient Howard who took their gloves and riding crops as they entered.

"Where is Mr. Hornblower?" Edrington asked as he moved farther into the foyer.

"He went for a walk, My Lord."

"Ah," was all he said in response. "Howard, would you be so good as to ask cook to prepare a light dinner? We'll dine in the breakfast room."

Howard gave a respectful bob of his head. "Very good, My Lord."

"And have some water brought upstairs for Mr. Kennedy and myself. I dare say a quick bath would not go amiss?"

The last was directed at Archie who nodded his agreement. That last bit of riding was warm work; a refreshing bath would be welcome indeed. Besides, it might help to stave off the worst of the soreness that would be setting in after the unaccustomed exercise.

"Already arranged, My Lord."

Edrington smiled brightly. "I should have expected nothing less. Thank you, Howard."

Archie parted company with the earl at the top of the stairs and headed to his room where the promised bath water awaited him. He undressed quickly and slipped into the water with a sigh of pleasure. He leaned back against the edge of the small tub and watched curls of steam rise from the water through heavy-lidded eyes. This was one indulgence he would never refuse, though he admitted privately, he was not in the habit of refusing indulgences in general. Life was too short not to take full advantage of them whenever fortune made them available.

That was one point on which he and Horatio had always differed. He had on occasion - playfully - accused Horatio of having read so much Greek it had turned him into a stoic. Horatio had always replied that Archie was simply a hedonist at heart. Archie couldn't disagree with the assessment, nor did he necessarily think it a bad thing. They endured so much privation during their time at sea a little hedonism ashore seemed a perfectly reasonable counterbalance to Archie's way of thinking. Horatio had had a hard time refuting Archie's logic but he hadn't ceded easily. Archie counted it as a personal victory that with time, a little effort and a lot of cajoling he had managed to get Horatio to unbend enough to relax and enjoy himself when on leave.

Bit by bit, Horatio had come to appreciate life's little pleasures: good food, a fine glass of port, a long, hot bath, even the occasional evening at the theatre. Of course, of all the pleasures he'd shared with Horatio, none could even begin to compare with those they'd discovered in one another's arms as they huddled together for warmth on a narrow cot in a non-descript room in an equally non-descript dockside inn in Portsmouth. That had taken them both by surprise, though in retrospect they should have seen it coming from a ways off. Even more astonishing, however, had been Horatio's reaction. Archie had expected panic even remorse in the aftermath; instead, after a brief period of shyness, Horatio had accepted it all with a kind of quiet equanimity as if what had transpired between them was the most natural thing in the world. Archie had always taken a healthy delight in confounding his friend, but in this case it was Horatio who took Archie unawares. It was a most agreeable surprise. They never spoke of it, never said the inevitable words, but every time they went ashore, they shared a room and a bed and took pleasure in one another's body as if their very lives depended upon it, oblivious to the world that existed beyond the four walls of their room.

The increasing chill of the bath water brought Archie out of his woolgathering. He reminded himself that this was neither the time nor the place to lose himself in thoughts about Horatio, no matter how enjoyable they might be. Tonight, he promised himself. Until then, he would be a dutiful and pleasant houseguest.

Rising from the bath, he dried off and dressed quickly and made his way downstairs to the breakfast room where Edrington awaited him. The earl greeted him with a smile as Archie seated himself at the table. The meal was simpler than supper had been: soup followed by roasted chicken and vegetables and a warm tart made of apples and quinces for dessert. Archie ate heartily with a hunger sparked by hours in the saddle. It wasn't the deck of the Indy, but fresh air, sunshine and healthful exercise had done him a world of good. He looked over at Edrington who smiled at him, clearly at his ease. Archie smiled back.

"Mr. Kennedy, if you are finished your meal, I have a surprise for you."

"Oh?" Archie asked, clearly intrigued by the earl's words as well as the inflection.

"If you will join me in the library?" he asked as he stood. Archie rose as well and followed Edrington out of the breakfast room and into the library.

"Over here," he said and gestured towards a table of dark wood located at the far side of the room near the windows.

When Archie approached, he noticed the table was bare, except for a single folio. It was fairly large and bound in leather dyed to a deep, rich red, the edges stamped with gold. He opened it carefully and his eyes scanned the title page.

Collection of Prints from the Pictures Painted for the Purpose of Illustrating the Dramatic Works of Skakspeare. . .

"Oh!" he said rather stupidly and glanced over his shoulder at the Earl of Edrington who was watching him avidly, his lips curved into an almost feline smile.

"This is the volume of prints after Mr. Boydell's gallery I told you about last evening. I took the liberty of asking Howard to retrieve it since you expressed such keen interest in perusing it."

"Thank you, My Lord. That was most thoughtful of you."

Archie turned back to the volume before him and gently turned the title page and the dedication to the Queen to find the first illustration. It showed several figures in a lavishly appointed room. Intrigued, Archie read the accompanying inscription: Taming of the Shrew. Induction. Scene II. A room in the Lord's House. Sly, with Lord and Attendants; some with Apparel, Bason and Ewer, and other Appurtenances. His eyes scanned the print with rapt fascination. Although Archie was not terribly knowledgeable about the plastic arts, he knew enough to recognize that it was a very fine etching. The figures were beautifully depicted and every detail, no matter how small, was rendered with the greatest of care. The effect was most remarkable.

"It's exquisite, is it not?" Edrington said, his voice soft. He had come to stand behind Archie and peered over his shoulder. "Look at the delicacy of the etching," he suggested as he leaned forward to gesture at the print. "Notice the attention to detail in the patterning of the drapes. Most masterful, wouldn't you say?"

Edrington's voice was very soft and his breath was very warm against Archie's neck as he spoke. More disconcerting, however, was the closeness of his body. His right arm rested against Archie's side and his chest was very close to Archie's back. Archie found he could not speak. He swallowed to alleviate his suddenly dry throat then took a deep breath before he dared to speak.

"Yes, My Lord," Archie replied in a voice that was less than steady.

"Here, let me show you the print featuring the notorious Lady Hamilton," Edrington suggested. His voice was as cool and even as ever, as if he were completely unaware of their sudden, disconcerting proximity. Edrington leaned forward again, his body pressed firmly against Archie's back. His hand came to rest on top of Archie's where it lay upon the edge of the page. It rested there for a long moment, the thumb sliding lightly along the back of Archie's wrist, before it moved and the earl carefully lifted the edge of the page. He flipped almost lazily through several pages, and all the while he continued to lean into Archie, his body hard and disconcertingly warm, his breath gusting lightly against Archie's neck.

"Ah, here we are," Edrington said at last. The Tempest.

It was a fanciful rendering of the shipwreck from the play's opening scene. Prospero and Miranda stood off to one side on an improbably tiny outcropping of rock while the sailors huddled together on the ship's deck in awkward poses of horror and distress.

"It is not one of Mr. Romney's better efforts, I daresay, but the etching itself is extraordinary. The touch is so fine, so assured, so very masterful." Edrington's lips were very close to Archie's ear, his words as soft as a sigh, his breath like a caress. "Skill and experience are so very important, don't you agree, Mr. Kennedy?"

Archie's heart was pounding and it was suddenly terribly warm in the room. He felt the lightest of touches against his neck, the gentle press of soft lips against superheated skin. He turned and Edrington was there, his eyes dark and fierce, his lips hovering close to Archie's own. For a moment Archie felt like a small animal caught outside its lair by a wily predator. He was unable to move or breathe, held spellbound by the intensity of the other man's gaze. Edrington reached up and trailed the backs of his fingers along Archie's cheek before his hand slip down and curved around the nape of Archie's neck.

"There is nothing quite so. . .stimulating. . .as a masterful touch, is there?"

The other man was so close Archie fancied he could hear his heart pounding in his chest, though perhaps that was nothing more than the sound of his own thundering heartbeat. His mind screeched warning. There were a hundred reasons why he should pull away and one—Horatio—rose above the rest and yet he remained rooted to the spot. He opened his mouth to protest, but no sound issued. He tried again.

"M-my Lord," he rasped out, his voice as unsteady as the legs that suddenly seemed unwilling to hold him up.

"Yes?" Edrington replied, his voice as warm and smooth as honey on a summer's day.

"I. . .I. . ." his words faltered as the earl gazed at him with hungry, knowing eyes. He felt awkward and exposed. It was a disconcerting sensation. "I. . .do not think this is wise," he gasped out at last through lips that were as dry as dust.

"We are quite alone, I assure you."

"It's not. . .not that," he stammered out as the earl tilted his head ever so slightly and placed the lightest of kisses just below Archie's ear eliciting a gasp of surprise.

"Then what is it?" Edrington asked between soft kisses that seared his skin and set his nerves alight.

"I. . .I. . ."Archie grasped at words that seemed to dance just outside of his reach. Edrington's lips were more persuasive than any words he could ever utter. Archie wondered if this was what it felt like to drown, this curious abnegation of will, as one was lost to an overwhelming and irresistible flood of sensation.

"Is there someone else?"

Yes! His mind screamed. But he could not say that, could never betray Horatio's trust in such a manner. Still, Archie clung Horatio's name like a talisman, drawing strength and resolve from it, much as he did from the man himself. With a deep, shuddering breath, Archie regained sufficient mastery of himself to pull back and place his palms flat against the earl's chest to push them apart. He drew a deep breath and then another before he trusted himself enough to speak.

"My Lord," he began and was surprised at how calm his voice sounded in his ears. "I am. . .flattered. . .truly, but I cannot do this. I am sorry."

Edrington studied him with dark, thoughtful eyes. "Are you sure?"

Archie nodded. "I am My Lord." Archie paused as caution waged war with other less reputable emotions. "I hope I haven't offended you."

The earl gave him a small, discreet smile. "Not at all, though I am understandably disappointed." He reached up and cradled Archie's cheek, his touch gentle. "You are lovely."

Archie could feel his cheeks burn at the compliment. "I. . .thank you, My Lord." What else could he possibly say?

The earl leaned in close then paused bare inches away. "Should you change your mind, I am at your disposal, dear sir." And with that, Edrington closed the faint gap between them and kissed Archie, the caress more fervent than fraternal, but something less than carnal. His lips were light and supple against Archie's own for a heartbeat, then another and then another still and then they were gone. Edrington pulled away entirely and gave Archie a gracious nod.

"I shall leave you to enjoy the etchings, Mr. Kennedy. Howard will let you know when supper is ready."

With that, Edrington strode from the library, leaving a bewildered Archie Kennedy floundering in his wake.

Archie didn't know how long he sat in the library, lost in thought, before the sound of his name broke through his reverie.

"Archie! There you are!"

He blinked, startled, then focused on Horatio standing there in front of his chair, flushed and smiling. Horatio's expression faltered then transformed into a frown. "Archie? Are you all right?"

For a brief moment, Archie thought about telling Horatio what had transpired, but reason intervened. Nothing had happened, truly. The earl had expressed a certain interest, which Archie respectfully declined, and that was the end of it. It would be foolish to tell Horatio about it now; foolish and possibly hurtful and Archie would never do anything to hurt Horatio. Of course, there was also that niggling little voice that reminded Archie that the attraction had not been entirely one sided. Edrington was very handsome, after all, and he was obviously skilled at seduction. He no doubt had considerable practice at the art. It would have been so easy to surrender. Very easy, indeed. He hadn't, of course, but he couldn't deny, at least in the privacy of his own mind, that he hadn't been tempted. It galled him a little that the earl had played him with the fluid grace that one might play a harp and he was a little ashamed that he'd allowed things to progress as far as they did, but that was past.

"Archie?" The concern in Horatio's voice was as evident as the worried expression on his face. Archie dredged up a smile and pushed all thought of Edrington and his attempted seduction from his mind.

"I'm fine, Horatio. Just woolgathering. It's been a tiring day."

Horatio's frown faded a little, but the concern was still apparent. "Are you sure?" Horatio asked as he perched himself on the arm of Archie's chair.

Archie smiled again and this time it was genuine. "Of course. I think I just wore myself out. It's been a long time since I've been in the saddle, let alone for several hours."

Horatio wrinkled his nose in displeasure and Archie chuckled. "Mark my words, Horatio; there will come a day when you will delight in being astride a horse and you'll wonder why you ever put up such a fuss."

Horatio shook his head. "I doubt that, Archie. Still, you were right. I should at least make the effort to learn. The skill could come in handy some day."

"Quite so," Archie agreed then decided the drop the subject entirely. "So, what have you been doing with yourself all day, Mr. Hornblower?"

"I went for a long walk around the grounds. His Lordship has a most remarkable home."

"Indeed he does."

"I dearly love the sea, but I confess it is rather pleasant to walk abroad and be surrounded by green grass and living things and to hear the sound of birdsong instead of the cries of the gulls."

"Not to mention, the ground remains in one place. There is no mal de mer ashore."

Horatio chuckled softly. "Yes, well, there is that."

"Did you have a chance to eat?" Archie asked. "I know that supper will be ready soon, but I'm sure there must be something in the kitchen if you're hungry."

"I'm quite all right, Archie. The cook very thoughtfully provided me with a luncheon basket. I have not eaten so well in years. By the time we leave here, you may have to roll me back to Portsmouth like a cask of beef!"

Archie smiled at the image, delighted by Horatio's rare show of humor. "I doubt that, Horatio. You're as skinny as a pole. You could do with a few good meals." He patted Horatio's thigh by way of emphasis.

"I would say much the same of you," Horatio replied.

"Yet another advantage of life in the service; the food does not encourage overindulgence."

"Perhaps, though it seems to have done little to deter Mr. Bracegirdle or Mr. Bowles."

At that, Archie snorted with laughter. "Horatio! What a wicked thing to say!"

Horatio tried to school his face into a guileless mask, but failed terribly as his own mirth bubbled to the surface. Soon the sound of their mingled laughter echoed through the room. Archie wiped tears away from his eyes. "I don't know why I'm laughing so. It wasn't that funny."

"Perhaps you were in need of a good laugh?" Horatio suggested with a smile.

"Perhaps." Archie looked up at Horatio's much loved face. Horatio's eyes were bright and shining, his cheeks flushed with amusement as he smiled down at Archie. Archie felt a rush of affection at the sight that he thought his heart might burst from it. He reached over and clasped Horatio's hand in both of his.

"You are very good to me, Horatio," Archie said, his voice soft and slightly rough with affection. It was an honest, heartfelt confession, the words spoken plainly and in complete sincerity. Horatio's expression softened at the rare declaration of sentiment. He raised their joined hands and placed a gentle kiss against the back of Archie's hand before letting them drop to rest comfortably on his thigh. They didn't speak and Archie allowed himself to bask in the warmth of Horatio's fond gaze and the reassuring sensation of his strong, calloused hand nestled between Archie's own.

At the sound of footsteps, Archie released Horatio's hand, albeit with considerable reluctance. Although the gesture would not be construed as inappropriate between two dear friends, it was not something that Archie wished to be shared with anyone else. Moments later, Howard appeared at the entrance of the library.

"Gentlemen, supper is to be served."

They murmured their thanks to the butler who bowed and absented himself with both speed and grace. Horatio stood and extended his hand to Archie, pulling him to his feet. Their hands and gazes held for a long moment and then parted before they made their way to the dining room.

Edrington was already there awaiting their arrival. He greeted them warmly as they took their seats to either side of his own. The meal was another sumptuous affair, with one flavorful dish following another. Archie watched the earl surreptitiously, looking for any sign that the other man was perturbed by what had transpired between them. He saw none. Quite the contrary, the earl was his usual charming self, engaging both him and Horatio in desultory conversation. Archie could almost believe that nothing had happened and he relaxed back into his comfortable seat and sipped at the earl's lovely burgundy, his mind finally at ease.

His sense of relief was not to be long lived, however.

"Mr. Hornblower, if you are still willing, I would be most happy to take you riding tomorrow," the earl said over the fricassee of veal.

"That is most kind of you, My Lord. I would be happy to accept."

"If I may be so bold as to pry into a personal matter, I could not help by note that you have remained in uniform throughout your time at Stanwick Hall. I take it that you did not bring any other clothes?"

Horatio cheeks colored in embarrassment and Archie sympathized. Clearly he wasn't the only one to have noticed Horatio's lack and knowing how proud his dear friend was, Archie was sure the words would seem more a rebuke than an observation.

"I…I am afraid I have no others, My Lord. I have been in the service since I was seventeen and I have never had need of any other articles of clothing since that time."

"Of course not," Edrington replied, his tone and expression sympathetic. "I did not wish to imply otherwise, nor to give offense. Indeed, if you were amenable, I would be happy to lend you some clothing for the duration of your stay."

"That is most generous of you, My Lord, but I could not accept."

"I don't see why not," the earl replied, his tone brisk and matter of fact. "We are of a size, I believe, and I obviously cannot wear more than one pair of breeches at a time. I have more than enough to share."

Horatio opened his mouth to voice another protest, if his expression was an accurate indicator. Before he could utter a word, however, the earl continued.

"Besides, riding can be a rather dirty business. Surely you would not wish to damage your uniform?"

That gave Horatio pause. Archie could almost see the workings of Horatio's mind as he weighed his pride against more pragmatic concerns. Horatio had only just purchased his new kit and it had already sustained some hard wear during their mission to Muzillac, Archie knew. Common sense dictated that he should take all possible care of his new uniform at least until such time that he could afford to purchase another. And unless Horatio's luck with prize ships improved considerably, the wait would be very long indeed. Archie knew Horatio well enough to recognize the moment when pride yielded at last to reason.

Horatio dipped his head graciously in the earl's direction. "Thank you, My Lord. I would be happy to accept your kind offer."

Edrington's smile was gracious as he nodded in return. "Excellent. I shall instruct Howard to send some clothing to your room."

Horatio's smile was a bit brittle but not insincere.

"I do believe we shall pass a very pleasurable lesson Mr. Hornblower," the earl remarked in an offhand manner. "Though I do admit I took advantage of Mr. Kennedy today."

It was only by the greatest of good fortune that Archie did not choke to death on the mouthful of wine he had just taken. He coughed and tried to swallow.

"Archie, are you all right?" Horatio asked from across the table, his expression as solicitous as the earl's was bland.

Archie nodded as his coughing passed. "Fine…I'm fine," he gasped, certain that his cheeks were the same color as the burgundy he'd nearly inhaled. "Just took too large a swallow."

"Are you sure, Mr. Kennedy?"

"Quite sure, My Lord, thank you."

Archie took a small sip of water and gave Horatio a reassuring smile.

Horatio nodded, though Archie could still read the concern on his face. He paused then turned to look at the earl. "You were saying something, My Lord?"

"Only that Mr. Kennedy was gracious enough to test the mount that I had planned to give you tomorrow. Mr. Kennedy pronounced her most acceptable."

"Really?" Horatio asked with a palpable thread of relief in his voice.

"Yes. Leda is quite even tempered," Archie reassured him. "She'll give you no trouble, Horatio."

"I'm relieved to hear you say so, Archie."

Archie smiled at Horatio, touched by his trust. He took another small sip of water and cast a sideways glance at the earl. The man's expression was as inscrutable as ever but when he turned to meet Archie's gaze, Archie would have sworn he caught a flicker of amusement in those dark eyes before Edrington turned away and engaged Horatio in conversation once more.

The remainder of the meal passed pleasantly enough, though Archie could not entirely stop himself from casting cautious looks in the earl's direction. If Edrington noticed, he gave no sign and by the time the trifle was served, Archie has regained a semblance of calm.

They retired to the library for brandy and cigars. Although the day had been warm, the night brought with it a chill so a small fire had been lit in the hearth. It gave the room a pleasant glow. Edrington poured them each a snifter of brandy, which they happily accepted, and offered them cigars, which Archie accepted but Horatio politely declined.

Archie settled into one of the comfortable chairs. He swirled the brandy about in its glass and held it up to admire the way the tawny liqueur gleamed as it caught the reflected firelight. He took a sip and sighed as it burned a slow path towards his belly.

Horatio has taken his own glass and began to wander aimlessly about the library. Archie was familiar with Horatio's restless moods and understood the need to move that sometimes overtook his friend. He was like their captain in that regard; for them, motion gave speed to thought and clarity to resolve. Archie suddenly had an image of Horatio, some few years hence and already the captain of his own ship, as he paced his cabin and spoke to his officers who stood as still as statues in his presence. He smiled at the fancy. Horatio, catching the expression, smiled in return, then continued his meandering path along the bookshelves.

"It is a pity that we do not have a fourth for cards," Edrington remarked, sipping his brandy. "A game or two would provide a most pleasant way to pass the time."

"Hmm. . ." Archie replied abstractedly, his gaze shifting to Horatio's restless person once more.

"Do you play, Mr. Kennedy?"

"Cards, My Lord?"

Edrington gave him a knowing smile, a mischievous twinkle dancing in his dark eyes. "I believe that is the topic at hand, though if you cared to discuss other games, I would not be opposed. Indeed," he continued, his voice dropping into a low seductive purr, "I have always been very fond of games. Some of them can be most. . .diverting."

Archie felt himself flush at the earl's implication and took a sip of brandy to hide his discomfiture. The liquid burned going down and Archie could almost pretend that the warmth of his face stemmed from the alcohol and not embarrassment. When he looked up, the earl was watching him with a smoldering gaze that left little doubt that Archie had not misinterpreted the remark. Archie cast a quick glance to where Horatio stood near one of the room's bookcases, his back half turned towards them, oblivious to the charged discussion. Archie cleared his throat.

"I have no doubt that that is the case, My Lord," he replied in an even voice. "But there is a proper time and place for such games. And some should not be played in company," he added, a hint of warning in his voice.

Edrington's gaze flickered in Horatio's direction then back to Archie. "Quite so, Mr. Kennedy. Though you must admit that it lends them a certain piquancy."

Archie shook his head. "Perhaps. But they can also be dangerous if one is not careful."

"Ah, but if there is no risk, then the victory is meaningless," Edrington said, his seductive voice tinged with amusement. "I, for one, find that a certain degree of danger makes a subsequent victory that much sweeter, wouldn't you agree?"

Archie shifted uncomfortably in his chair. This conversation was touching upon a subject that he did not wish to discuss, indeed, that he did not wish to examine too carefully. He resisted the urge to look in Horatio's direction. He had often found the mere sight of his friend to be comforting, but to look to him now would reveal more than Archie was willing to divulge in the presence of the entirely too clever Earl of Edrington.

Archie felt the hypocrite debating the matter when he had already willingly exposed himself to the very danger to which Edrington was alluding. Still, the situation was not the same. Horatio was no mere dalliance; he was not a convenient, albeit pleasant distraction with which to idle away a few hours or a few days. Horatio meant the world to Archie and he would willingly pay any price to protect him. For Archie, Horatio was worth the risk.

He was keenly aware of the earl watching him, awaiting his response. He was suddenly weary of this verbal fencing. It cut too close to the bone.

"I think. . ." Archie began in a cautious voice, ". . .I think that the risk is only worth taking when you are willing to accept the consequences of failure. If the dangers outstrip the worth of the prize, it is foolhardy to embark upon such an endeavor."

"Well said, Mr. Kennedy." Edrington nodded, his own expression thoughtful. "More brandy?"

Archie eyed the decanter warily then looked to his host. Edrington's face was placid and showed no hint of either his earlier amusement, nor his lasciviousness. A peace offering then.

"Thank you, My Lord. I accept with pleasure."

Edrington smiled then poured another measure of the amber liquid for each of them.

"Mr. Hornblower? More brandy?"

Horatio turned at the sound of his name. He gazed at his glass that was nearly empty and frowned, no doubt considering the wisdom of imbibing further. Horatio rarely indulged over much in spirits, but apparently he decided to make an exception on this occasion.

"Thank you, My Lord."

Horatio walked over to where his companions were seated and held his glass while the earl poured. This time, Horatio settled himself in the empty chair to the earl's right.

"I was just saying to Mr. Kennedy that it is a pity that we don't have a fourth for cards. I do enjoy a good rubber of whist now and then."

Horatio's eyes lit up at that remark.

"Do you play whist, Mr. Hornblower?"

"I do, My Lord."

For a moment, Archie thought to warn the earl against Horatio's uncanny skill at cards, but he did not. The earl claimed to enjoy games and to relish a bit of risk? So be it. Archie smiled to himself; the earl was due for a most unpleasant surprise should he ever find himself playing against Horatio.

Apparently, the earl would find out sooner than expected.

"Well then," Edrington drawled, "you may be in luck. I have not yet mentioned to you gentlemen, but I will be hosting a small dinner party two days hence. Nothing elaborate, I assure you," he hastened to add, "just a dozen or so people. I am so rarely at home and I have an obligation to extend my hospitality from time to time. It should be an enjoyable evening. The most tedious of my acquaintances are already in London for the season. So we should have some cards, I dare say, and possibly some music as well."

To his credit, Horatio managed to maintain a suitably bland expression. Archie knew that the prospect of a formal dinner left him less than sanguine and the promise of music did little to alleviate the mood. But Horatio was courteous to a fault and would give no hint of his unhappiness at the situation, at least not to their host. Poor Horatio. Social occasions were such a trial of endurance for him.

Perhaps it was the thought of that forthcoming ordeal, or maybe the earl's offhand reminder of the riding lesson they had planned for the next day, that led Horatio to accept a third brandy. It was a modest measure, but still it surprised Archie to see his friend imbibing so freely. He hoped that Horatio would not regret the indiscretion come morning.

The remainder of the evening passed pleasantly enough. The brandy was excellent, the conversation lively, and thankfully, the earl made no more veiled references or discomfiting remarks. Nevertheless, by the time the clock chimed midnight, Archie was ready to take to his bed.

He rose, as did Horatio, who swayed slightly.

"Mr. Hornblower, are you all right?" Edrington asked.

Horatio swallowed, nodded. "Yes, My Lord. Just tired."

Edrington's expression reflected his doubts. Archie walked over to Horatio's side.

"I'll see him safely to bed, My Lord."

"That is most gracious of you, Mr. Kennedy."

Archie gave the earl a smile tinged with fond remembrance. "He's done the same for me a time or two. It's only right that I return the favor." Draping an arm across Horatio's shoulders he steered his shipmate out of the library.

"Come along, Horatio. Time for bed."

He guided Horatio up the staircase and by the time Archie led him into his bedroom, Horatio was steady on his feet. He sat Horatio down on the edge of the enormous bed and began to divest him of clothing. Jacket, stock, waistcoat, were all removed with brisk, naval efficiency. It was the only way Archie could perform the act without giving in to the temptation to let his hands linger upon Horatio's person. He knelt in front of Horatio to remove his shoes and stockings.

"Archie?"

He looked up to see Horatio studying him intensely.

"Stay."

"Horatio. . ."

"Stay," Horatio repeated, his hand coming to rest lightly on the back of Archie's head

Archie cast a fleeting glance to the bedroom door that stood ajar. "That would not be wise."

"Perhaps not, but I seem to recall that only this morning you were expounding upon the importance of seizing any opportunity that presented itself. Are you all fine talk, sir, or will you suit action to words?"

Archie blinked, confused. Horatio's expression was still soft, but there was a sharpness to his gaze that suggested that he was far more sober than he had seemed to be just minutes before. A suspicion began to form in Archie's mind only to be confirmed when Horatio's mouth twitched into an uncharacteristically mischievous smile.

"Well played, Horatio. I did not think you had it in you."

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I believe those were your words, were they not, Mr. Kennedy?"

Archie's own answering smile was more than a little wry. "Indeed they were, Mr. Hornblower." Archie rose to his feet and closed the door, locking it behind him. He divested himself of his own garments with all due haste, aware of Horatio's eyes on him the entire time, even as he removed the remainder of his own clothing. He slid beneath the covers that Horatio raised in welcome.

Horatio's arms were around him in an instant, his mouth covering Archie's own in a searing, possessive kiss. Archie melted against Horatio, his hands reaching up to tangle in the wild, disordered curls that draped across Horatio's shoulders, holding him close. Horatio's body was lean and hard as it pressed against his own and Archie's body moved in response. Shuddering moans escaped his lips as his hard prick rubbed against Horatio's equally hard shaft, sending a shower of sparks throughout his body. Horatio swallowed his moans and pulled him closer, his arms like steel bands around Archie's body, holding him steady. Holding him safe.

They didn't last long. They writhed and bucked and then they came, their bodies trembling with release. Archie pressed his face into the curve of Horatio's neck to stifle his soft cries against flushed skin, only dimly aware of Horatio of doing the same, their bodies intertwined into perfect mirror images of one another.

Archie drifted on the pleasant haze of satiation and let his hands roam along Horatio's back, his flanks, as his skin slowly cooled beneath Archie's palms. He felt Horatio's fingers caress his jaw and he turned into the touch. Horatio's eyes were huge and dark as he leaned forward to claim Archie's mouth again. Archie surrendered to the kiss without hesitation. Horatio's kiss was exquisite, his lips molding to Archie's as his skillful tongue slid inside Archie's mouth and danced with his own.

Archie sighed with pleasure. It never failed; Horatio could reduce him to a whimpering puddle of need with nothing more than the judicious application of lips and tongue and the occasional nip of teeth. He had fond memories of teaching Horatio the art of kissing, a seeming lifetime ago. There had been nothing but the two of them pressed together in the darkened confines of a crowded sail locker, the fear of discovery combining with frantic adolescent yearning, to lend their experiments a thrilling intensity. With time and considerable practice, Archie had come to believe that the pupil had surpassed the teacher, but given that Archie was the sole beneficiary of Horatio's proficiency, he had never found occasion to complain. Still, he would never admit as much to Horatio; it wouldn't do to let him become complacent, after all.

Horatio broke the kiss at last. "Archie," he sighed contentedly against Archie's neck. Horatio's lips were soft on Archie's skin and Archie smiled as he felt Horatio relax against him and his breathing even out as slumber took him. Archie kissed Horatio's bare shoulder then settled comfortably against him. He breathed in the familiar scents of soap and sweat and musky arousal as he too drifted off, lulled by the soothing lullaby of Horatio's breathing and the slow, steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

Notes: This is a bedroom farce, long on smut and short on plot. Beware of innuendo, double entendres, single entendres, falling clichés and rising libidos. Oh, and non-Admiralty approved applications of naval tactics. No animals were harmed in the writing of this story, though certain parties may be walking funny for a while. Many thanks to the lovely Janis Cortese for her beta work